Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
