I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The dick lei will go down in squad history
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
