Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
