Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
