Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I need to calm my uterus...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
