Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
