but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
