she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
