I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
