I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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