So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
