Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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