I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
