All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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