youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
