He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
