Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
