I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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