He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
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You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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