for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There r osticjed everywhere
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
