Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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