I will die if light touches me.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
