Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
