I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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