I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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