what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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