Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
