According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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