ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
