i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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