before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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