So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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