Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
