I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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