You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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