the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
