your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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