I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Floor bacon is actually really good
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
