Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
