nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
