I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize