A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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