I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
