Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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