it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The air taste purple.
Randomize
