Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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