I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
