good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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