Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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