He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
