What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
