i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
