Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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