Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
