dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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