Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
