Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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