Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
