is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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