Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
