I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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