Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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