Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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